You’ve fallen for the world’s most amazing woman, and you can’t imagine finding a more perfect soul mate than her. Now all you can think about is moving in together and becoming an “official” couple. Before you take this leap of faith, there are some things you really should know about each other. By asking these thought-provoking questions, you can be sure this is truly the relationship you both want.
How well do you really know each other?
Historically, women have long been known as nurturers because they tend to be more emotionally expressive than men. Due to this, lesbian couples often form an intense and intimate bond very quickly. The exhilaration of a new love interest causes many lesbian women to make quick relationship decisions based purely on emotion.
Before you make a quick decision to become a couple or move in together, ask yourselves how well you really know each other. Consider questions like these to determine how much you know about the lady in your life:
- How does she respond to stressful or anxiety-inducing situations? Many relationships fail because stressful life situations (e.g. financial issues, legal trouble, etc.) cause one or both partners to react in an irrational or non-supportive way.
- What are her views on spirituality and religion? During the “honeymoon phase,” her spiritual belief system (or lack of one) probably doesn’t matter much to you, but this is something you really should know about each other before you commit. Your future life as a couple could be greatly impacted by her religious beliefs, especially if they conflict with yours.
- How is her financial situation? This is a no-brainer if you want to move in together. Sit down together, and discuss your finances. You should both take a look at the other’s spending habits, savings, outstanding debt and income. Otherwise, one of you may end up carrying most of the financial burden in the relationship.
Do your future plans coincide with hers?
If you hope to make it as a couple, you need to compare your plans for the future to ensure they are compatible. For instance, if one of you wants kids but the other does not, one of you will eventually need to compromise to make the relationship work. Also look at where you both plan to put down roots, and identify your education and career goals. Again, these factors may not seem crucial to you today, but once the newness of the relationship wears off, they will become much more important.
Can you identify her character traits, both strong and weak?
One problem many same-sex couples face, according to When Sally Met Sally, is that partners morph quickly into one another. After sharing everything from your living space to clothing to friends, you find it’s easy to lose your sense of individuality in a lesbian relationship. Spend a few minutes taking a mental inventory of your partner’s character traits, both strong and weak, that make her the unique individual with whom you fell in love. By identifying these traits, you solidify the idea she is her own person, not merely an extension or reflection of you.
Are your living styles compatible?
Sure, you can love someone who forgets to empty the dishwasher and leaves her dirty clothes on the floor. Right now, that may seem trivial or even cute, but her dirty socks on the floor probably won’t seem as cute a year from now, especially if you’re a neat freak. Before you take the plunge and move in together, it makes sense to compare your living styles at home. This allows you both to make your expectations known ahead of time so you can work out potential issues before they arise.
When comparing your at-home living styles, take a look at these types of factors:
- Cleaning habits: Determine if your cleanliness standards at home differ from hers. How will you share the household chores?
- Pets: Be sure you both agree on whether to have household pets. Who will clean up after these pets?
- Privacy: Think about how you will satisfy your need for alone time while living together. How do you each feel about the other’s need for privacy?
- Social life: Compare your social habits with hers. Does one of you like to entertain guests at home or go out more often than the other?
- Household bills: There should be a clear understanding of how you will each pay your fair share of the household bills. Do you both agree on how the household bills will be split?
Healthy relationships take work, regardless of the couple’s sexual orientation. By asking the tough questions now, instead of later, you could avoid a nasty breakup and unnecessary heartbreak down the road.