Dating as a later in life lesbian is a worthy challenge which promises emotional fulfillment and empowerment. The journey of dating at this age is about discovering yourself – who you want to be with, what you want to do with others, and where you want to go. The good news is that the pressure is off. Nobody is pushing you to commit without understanding yourself first. Here are some helpful tips as you return to the dating scene.
Look for a partner who exhibits maturity
It will cause you less stress if you can find a woman who understands what you have been through before. The periods in your life that you may not want to have explain again include the heterosexual relationships that were not emotionally or physically fulfilling, childbirth, life changes, and bouts of celibacy. A woman who understands that these times changed you and prepared you to come out is a partner who you want to keep. If she is not the right fit for you in the long run, you may still have enough in common to transform the relationship into a solid friendship.
Engage in online dating sparingly
Many people on dating websites are not honest about what they are searching for in a partner. You can only take so much negative energy before you get exhausted. Mental stress can quickly become physical stress. This can lead to health problems, which can become a burden. You do not need to get stressed about people who engage in problematic behaviors. Here are things you should do when looking for a date online:
- Limit dates to one or two a week. You will likely need time to recover or get feedback from friends.
- Do not tolerate women who lie to you about important information, such as their marital status.
- Discuss your sexual preferences and how you see yourself before meeting. Don’t be afraid of saying exactly what you want. Just make sure you are open enough to accept a woman who might not fit the mold.
- Say what you are looking for in a partner – a wife, someone to raise children with, someone to grow old with, or a sexual partner for now.
There are many male-female couples in which the woman is bisexual and the couple is searching for a temporary sexual partner. Unless you are comfortable with such a relationship, avoid invitations to join these couples.
Talk about your children
If you or the woman you want to date has children, you should talk about when you want a partner to meet your family. It is important that your children get to know your girlfriend. But it is more important that you get to know her first. You need to be able to trust the woman you want to be with before you introduce her to your children. Let her know that you have children and encourage her to ask questions about them. Make sure she is comfortable with the idea of you having a family. If you are seeing a therapist, devote at least one session to discussing how to introduce your partner to your children. A professional should advise you of a good multistep process to follow and offer some ideas about how to make the first meeting enjoyable and easy.
Be aware that you are part of a community
The lesbian community – and the LGBTQA community as a whole – is there for you! You can get dating advice and feedback from friends who share your sexual and political orientation. It’s always important to avoid getting entangled with partners of your previous girlfriends. This is a difficult task but it can be done. If you are new to the LGBTQA world, just keep in mind that it’s not too hard. You don’t have to attend every event and support every cause. You can show up once in a while or every weekend. The community knows that coming out – and staying out – is a different process for everyone. The important thing is that you feel comfortable being yourself. Once you get to know people, they can offer helpful advice about dating.
Look for a partner who lets you explore
After making the big decision to come out and then date, you don’t need a partner who will hold you back. Explain to the woman you want to date that you are looking for someone who lets you see new things and experience life in a different way. You have been constrained for so long that you need freedom. This does not mean you want multiple partners. It means that you want the chance to take on the world as a lesbian, not as a woman masking her desires and identity. As a later in life lesbian, you deserve a woman who lets you grow.
As you continue dating, make sure you are there for her as much as she is there for you. Two mature partners who pledge to be positive and support one another have the potential to create a lasting and meaningful bond. Your presence at this point in her life means a lot. It is a statement that you will stick around and bring your common sense and wisdom to the relationship every day you are in it. You can’t ask for a better start than that.