How to Ask a Woman Out How to Ask a Woman Out
When you're interested in a woman, the best thing you can do is ask her to spend time with you. Make the get-togethers casual... How to Ask a Woman Out

When you’re interested in a woman, the best thing you can do is ask her to spend time with you. Make the get-togethers casual at first. If she expresses more interest, you’ll know you have found a match for a partner or friend. You may have a lot of anxiety about who should be asking who out and what you should do next. Let it go, because what matters is that it happens. If it helps, confess that you’re nervous. She will admire you for being brave enough to tell her.

Reading Body Language

If a woman says yes to a casual date, like sharing an ice cream, how can you tell if she’s sexually interested? Be patient and wait for her to express it. Hint at it gently and see what happens. If too much time passes, you can take the route that men usually do. Be clear that the invitation is a date and you’re looking for more than a friend. Be aware that this can backfire if she sees the behavior as pushy.

It’s also important to decide what message you want to convey. Before you go on the date, ask yourself what you want. Your date may be beautiful, but is she good relationship material? You’re going to have to get answers to certain questions and take time to see. Gaining another person’s trust and learning about them takes time.
As you walk or sit together, ask if her body language shows that she values the qualities that make for a healthy relationship. These are passion and excitement, but also reliability, loyalty, patience, helpfulness, thoughtfulness, kindness and trustworthiness.

Here are some great body language cues from a potential partner.
· She looks in your eyes when answering questions, showing that she cares about your reaction.
· If you are physically struggling with something like a stuck door, she waits patiently for you. She asks if you need help.
· She looks at a part of your body that she wants to touch before doing so. She may ask if she can touch.

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How to Make Small Talk

Small talk is talk designed not to offend, like conversations about the weather and celebrating holidays. When you first meet a date, you may be inclined to engage in a lot of small talk to avoid arguments. You may not have the energy to discuss cultural differences, religion, politics, marriage, children and life goals on your first few dates. That’s OK, as long as your date is on board.

There are many cultures in which people do not make small talk. There are also religions in which people engage in goal-oriented dating for the purpose of getting into a marriage and having children. The fact that your date likes women does not change how she grew up. By expressing her sexuality she may be challenging the rules of her family, religion, and culture. That doesn’t mean she wants to date in a way as she perceives to be a waste of time.

If your date wants to skip the small talk and get right to conversations she feels are important, do not ignore this request. Ask yourself if you are willing to go along with her plan for the date. Try to find the middle ground. If none can be found, it’s time to stop. She needs to consider your feelings too. What she’s doing may make it too difficult for you to continue.

After you get to know your date, read up on her culture, birthplace and education, such as a high school or college she attended. When you tell her you tried to learn a bit more about her, she will likely be flattered. This will also give you an opportunity to engage in small talk with a purpose: correcting misconceptions about her and learning information she thinks is important for you to know.

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Dating Etiquette

Dating as a lesbian seems like a license to break all the rules. Why constrain your desire to really get to know your date? Go ahead and break the first-date rule of not talking about serious subjects. Discuss anything you want, including overdone topics such as your coming out story, the lesbian dating scene in your city and the L Word. You’ve worked hard to get out of the closet. You don’t need to conform to generalizations. Just make sure she’s enjoying herself and you are too.

Yet be aware there are rules for how you should treat a woman, whether you’re going to sleep with her or not. You should pay attention to her emotional, physical and mental needs. If she’s tired, stop the date. Try not to get intoxicated. Then you aren’t seeing the situation clearly. Be honest with her and yourself. Show up on time. Pay attention to her and avoid extended conversations with other people.

Your job on a date is to show her that you’re worth it and see if she’s worth it too. If she really likes you, she will be just as scared as you. She won’t want to play games or let you down. Two women who are emotionally invested in the time they spend together have a lot of potential.

When you end the evening, do something special to show her how happy she made you. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. A kiss, a smile, a hug or a simple, “Can’t wait to see you again” work. These loving gestures encourage both of you to plan another date and strengthen your connection.


Jessica Zimmer

Jessica Zimmer is a California-licensed attorney familiar with and supportive of the LGBTQA community.