Is “Lesbian Bed Death” A Myth? Is “Lesbian Bed Death” A Myth?
If you’re in a lesbian relationship and things are going well in the bedroom, you may be wondering when that’s going to stop. There’s... Is “Lesbian Bed Death” A Myth?

If you’re in a lesbian relationship and things are going well in the bedroom, you may be wondering when that’s going to stop. There’s a concept called “lesbian bed death,” which was a term coined by sociologist Pepper Schwartz in her book, “American Couples,” to describe her belief that lesbian couples stopped having sex after a few months.

Many lesbian couples were alarmed by Schwartz’s claims, and became afraid that all lesbian couples would eventually stop having sex. Not surprisingly, pop culture picked up on the term and even straight couples started to assume that lesbian couples were sexless. But is lesbian bed death (LBD) a real thing?

So Is LBD Real?

The answer is no, but with an asterisk. On the one hand, there are no statistics that prove that lesbian relationships have less sex than straight relationships. In fact, some statistics suggest that lesbian relationships have more sex than straight ones! Certainly, there is nothing unique about lesbian relationships that would cause them to become boring and sexless over time.

On the other hand, any relationship, whether straight or lesbian, can eventually go through sexual dry spells for a variety of reasons. A temporary period of time when you’re not having sex very often or at all can be due to medical reasons or circumstances due to work or family obligations. Many long-term couples experience periods of feeling disconnected from each other and it’s not surprising that sex would be less frequent during those phases. It’s important to note that these issues can happen to any couple — it doesn’t matter if it’s a straight or lesbian couple. It’s just part of the messy reality of trying to be in a long-term relationship with another person.

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Differences in Sex Drive

There’s a wide range of what’s considered “normal” in terms of how often you want sex. Some cases of so-called LBD may be just showing that two people have a different sex drives, which becomes more noticeable the longer you’re together. Once the honeymoon period of a new relationship is over, most people go back to their baseline of how often they want sex.

Preventing Permanent Sexual Dry Spells

Even if LBD isn’t a real phenomenon per se, it’s still a warning that every couple needs to be alert to stay connected to each other and to keep sex a priority in their relationship.

It’s true that most couples have less sex over time, especially in relationships that are more than a year old. In many cases, this is likely because people are tired and real life gets in the way. If you truly enjoy spending time with your partner and would have more sex if you had more time, it’s probably just a sign that your schedule is a little overly full.

However, periods of low sex can happen when you’re not paying as much attention to your partner or making it a priority to spend time with her. Don’t let it become your excuse that you’re just too busy; show her that she’s still important to you.

Make time for date nights so that you can find the romance again. Remember how much you wanted to win her over in the early days when you started dating. Don’t forget that she’s still the same beautiful woman you fell in love with – and make sure she doesn’t forget that you feel that way, either.

Holly Case

Holly Case