Has your lover ever told you that you just aren’t romantic enough? Meanwhile you feel like you are working hard to make her feel adored? Or maybe you’re the one feeling neglected in your intimate relationship. If so, don’t assume that lack of love is the problem! It could just be a lack of language.
The ‘Love Languages’ as written by Gary D. Chapman can change your love life forever. Your first step is to find out what Love Language you speak.
What is a Love Language?
According to Dr. Chapman, a “love language” is simply the way that a person perceives and communicates feelings of love. While many people connect with more than one of the following types of loving messages, few of us speak them all fluently. Problems arise because most of us try to communicate the love we feel by speaking the same language that is easiest for us to hear, even if it isn’t a message that reaches our lover’s heart.
So which love language do you speak? Which of these acts gives you the most feels?
When your partner says just exactly the right thing, at the right time, to make you feel heard and appreciated. Words that affirm your shared intimacy, as well as your individual importance to your lover, is what romance means to you.
Acts of Kindness
For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to wake up to breakfast in bed, or even just a clean kitchen. Action-oriented love linguists like it when you do something that makes their lives easier, without making a big deal about it.
She is a lover who says, “It’s the thought that counts,” and believes it. She appreciates being thought of when she isn’t there, and the feeling that you know her well enough to give the perfect gift. Pleasing this lover isn’t about breaking the bank, but clever token offerings.
Sometimes all that really matters is spending some time together. A person who speaks this language as a primary communicate style appreciates a well-planned date, or better, a weekend vacation. You want a partner who can make you a priority by fitting you into their schedule, even on the busiest days.
A physical love linguist is likely to be the first to complain, sulk, or just get bored if things between the sheets start to lose their heat. Hand-holding, kissing, foreplay, and sex are ultimately important to this lover’s relationship esteem.
Signs You’re Speaking Each Other’s Language
It’s easy to know when your communication is off. You feel lonely, unloved, or even unlovable. But how will you know when you’ve finally got it right?
Your partner might not be the “fun relationship quiz” type, so a little bit of sleuthing could be in order. Be on the lookout for signs that she’s starting to perk up her ears:
- Genuine, rather than token, appreciation – if she barely notices that you washed the sheets and put away the dishes, “acts of service” probably isn’t her. But if she gets teary over a card, or hugs you tighter when you tell her how important she is to you, you’ll know you’ve hit the mark.
- Mirroring your love language – she may intensify her efforts to communicate love back in the same style she understands most easily, so watch for the times that she goes out of her way to make you happy.
- All the loving feelings – it may seem that suddenly the spark has reappeared after a long, smokey smolder, or even cold, lonely, fireless nights… or she may just comment on your sudden romantic nature.
Every relationship deserves a little bit of romance. And it’s so much easier when you know what “romantic” means.