Sex and Lesbian Relationship Sex and Lesbian Relationship
Why is sex so important to lesbian relationships? Furthermore, how can you reignite the passion that you first experienced in your relationship when it... Sex and Lesbian Relationship

Thankfully, today you have more resources on lesbian intimacy than ever before because society has become more progressive. As a result, you can now feel more comfortable seeking expert advice on everything from planning a wedding to improving your sex life with your partner. Let’s take a look at a question that many couples sometimes wonder: Why is sex so important to lesbian relationships? Furthermore, how can you reignite the passion that you first experienced in your relationship when it was new?

Declining Sex Life

In many places, you’ll find that sex still remains a controversial topic. You know that it’s natural and healthy, yet you’ve also probably heard others describe sex as the “superficial” aspect of relationships. Maybe even your best friends say, “Sex isn’t everything.” You’ll read books from therapists who say phrases like, “A lack of sex shouldn’t affect an otherwise good relationship.” The main point is that it’s easy to misunderstand the role of sex in relationships. Sex isn’t a “cheap” substitute for intimacy and emotional expression; it’s meant to strengthen the bond already present between two people.

If sex is such a healthy activity to help women bond, then why do many lesbians experience a gradual decline in their sex life? It’s a combination of unrealistic expectations and well-meaning, but inaccurate, advice.

Importance of Sex in Relationships

Your sex life is important in your relationship because both partners need to have a mutual understanding of each other’s sexual needs. What happens when one or both partners feel unsatisfied? The consequences are the same for any couple, no matter what their sexual orientation is. Dissatisfaction leads to affairs, feelings of inadequacy and an overall breakdown in communication. Sex is a powerful way to make your lover feel happy, desirable and nurtured.

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Sex’s bonding-power is backed by science: The dopamine-oxytocin combo, to be exact. In short, dopamine is responsible for our initial attraction to a person and/or situation. Oxytocin, which is responsible for feelings of attachment, is released when one reaches “a point of high arousal“. In short, sex has a powerful impact on relationships.

 

Ignite the Passion

The goal of sexual spontaneity isn’t necessarily realistic for women. It’s helpful to remember that women naturally experience arousal differently than men; the response starts as psychological before shifting to physical impulses. Dr. Corwin, author of “Sexual Intimacy For Women: A Guide For Same-Sex Couples,” advises couples to stop ” … complacently sitting around waiting for a spontaneous desire to strike.” Why wait until you’re both “in the mood” when you can create the mood yourself?

Reflect on how you’ve both changed since you met. Chances are that your partner is a different woman now, and so are you. Since you first met, you’ve both matured. This change presents an exciting opportunity: You can start all over.

Create “date nights.” Plan a unique trip that give you two a chance to bond. Take the focus off of sex for a while to help you both just relax — even though it sounds contradictory. Strengthen the emotional connection first, and intimacy will follow. Remove the pressure. Forget pre-conceived expectations of what your sex life should be and focus on what it can be.

Adjust Your Expectations

Moving forward requires the acceptance that any “new relationship” passion will fade over time. Stop dwelling on the past. You’re not going to relive an old memory. Why not focus on creating a new one?

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Remember that every couple’s needs are different — Sex doesn’t come with a magic number. There’s no right or wrong amount. It’s normal and healthy to have sex as much or as little as you’d like. As long as you and your partner are happy, that’s what matters. Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what makes you happy. Keep the focus on your relationship; don’t let outside forces pressure you about what you “should” do.
Relationships evolve over time. Just because your sex life isn’t the same as it was doesn’t mean that it’s worse. You’ll find that changes in your sex life over time can become equally fulfilling — but in very different ways than you experienced before.

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Katy G.